The Forces of Nature
by Fasanation Rose
Summary: It is a horrible tragedy: A tree has been chopped down in Elven forest! Now, it is time for the forces of nature to be called in to save the forest, in the guise of two elves named Ryan and Lire. If only the elves knew mercy...


I've decided to stop working on "It's a violent world." I mostly just wrote the first chapter on a whim, and now I lack the inspiration to finish it. I've already taken it of , but sometime in the future, I may finish it and put it back up. Just not now.

So, I've decided to continue my series of humorous one-shots instead for the time being. Hehehe… never mess with Elves…

**WARNING: This fanfic may induce an incredible amount of laughter. If you feel you need them, please order your oxygen tanks and/or breathing apparatuses beforehand. Thank you.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Grand Chase, nor any characters affiliated with it. However, I did plant that tree! *Points at chopped down tree.***_

I think I made too many references in here. Oh well, I'll just give cookies to anybody who knows about/plays the games I reference.

And happy (late) new year!

Enjoy!

* * *

One-Shot: The Forces of Nature

It was an all-out war against the woodsmen.

This army of evil, evil people had destroyed an entire ecosystem! They had come in with their huge axes, swinging madly, killing many beings. Many animals were driven from their home as the trees fell, and maybe burned later in a fireplace. Oh, the horror!

Okay, it was one tree, and Ryan (The hypocrite with an axe) was overreacting.

This, however, was enough to convince Lire to assist him in getting revenge on the woodsman for that one tree. The two of them were going to gather the assistance of the animals, plants, and other nature related objects, and avenge the tree(s).

Yes, it was a glorious idea!

* * *

Lire and Ryan sat in a bush, mapping out their brilliant plans for revenge- I mean, plans to avenge the trees.

One said to the other, "Lire, what should we do?"

The other said to the one, "Well, we would always scare them away with pitchforks and torches."

Ryan replied, "NO! That's a terrible idea. We might burn the forest down in the process that way!"

"That, Ryan, what do you suggest?"

"We could always try growing monstrous plants."

Lire frowned. "That would take too long."

"You're right…"

"Maybe we can get Mr. Freedom?"

"No! He's not alive… yet." Ryan sighed.

"Hm…"

"…I've got it!"

"Ryan, what is it?"

"It's a brilliant idea! So, here's what we do…"

* * *

The two elves sat in a tree, waiting for the tree-killers (woodsmen) to arrive. Well, what do you know, here comes one now… and he's looking for a tree to cut down…

…The elves ready themselves for battle. 3…2…1…

Lire shot an arrow high into the sky.

A giant bucket filled with water falls mysteriously out of the sky and onto the woodsman's head. An arrow sticks blatantly out of the container. Why the giant bucket, you ask? Well, water is nature based, and they needed something to hold it in. High up in their tree, Ryan and Lire high-five each other.

The woodsman is not pleased. The woodsman is definitely not pleased. Said woodsman is not drying off his clothes as he leaves. He'll be back later…

* * *

The woodsman has returned. Oh joy.

Lire and Ryan also had another trick up their sleeve. The two of them had gathered the help of a few… companions… of theirs to assist them in this duty. They were entirely ready to destroy any who would desecrate their sacred haven of nature (forest)…

The woodsman looked around him to ensure he would not be humiliated in private again. He looked left. He looked right. He looked up. He looked behind him. He spotted no one. He lifted the axe to chop down the tree-

_*CRASH!*_

He had somehow not noticed a 10 animal army of monkeys sitting in the tree, armed with vases and lamps. The monkeys were screaming wildly, throwing thier vases and lamps furiously at the woodsman. The woodsman fled for his life, he as he left, he swore to return with allies.

Ryan turned to her companion. "So, Lire, what next?"

"Well, I think I've got the purr-fect idea…"

"Why did you make a cat pun?"

Lire shrugged. "I don't know. I just felt like making a cat pun."

"Is it necessary?"

"…Maybe." Was said with a smug smile.

* * *

Well, well, well, what are those sly elves doing now?

The two of them have an adorable companion named Luna. She (if you didn't catch my hint before) is a cat. A very cute cat.

Hm. Now what in the name of Armenian could they be up to…?

Well, we're going to find out soon. Here comes a small team of woodsmen!

The leader of the group puts his hand up. They all stop, and search for a threat.

They look to the left. They look to the right. They look behind them. They look up, ensuring there are no monkeys this time. They turn their attention to-

AW! IT'S A KITTEN!

The woodsmen can't hurt a kitten, can they? A kitten's just too cute…

…The kitten then unsheathes its claws. Oh my. A big ball of violence (and dust) now surrounds the woodsmen, with the distinct sound of meowing echoing throughout the forest. The woodsmen ran far, far away. Their evil schemes were not over though…

Lire giggled in delight. "This is fun!"

Ryan smiled and nodded his head in agreement. "I know, right? We should do this more often!"

"What next? WHAT NEXT!?"

"How about we use some… animal symbolism?"

"Animal symbolism?"

"Yeah, animal symbolism. As in, make our message clear through the animals."

"Do you mean Mr. Freedom?!"

"No, I don't mean Mr. Freedom!" Ryan paused, before adding. "Why do you know about Mr. Freedom? He's in a different game. That game isn't even out yet!"

"I just… do."

"…I'm just not going to question any further."

"Okay, what animal were you thinking of then?"

"…You know, I was thinking of…"

* * *

The elves remain in their spot in the trees. They have their army of special agents, ready to assault the evil ones who shall not be named (woodsmen) at the elves' command. These symbolic beings of freedom shall clear the battleground (forest) of the vile ones (woodsmen) in no time flat!

I fail to see how freedom has anything to do with chopping down trees.

Oh well, we'll let nature (in the form of two elves with a secret army) take its course.

The woodsmen are armed to the teeth. Literally. They've equipped metal teeth to fend off intruders. Why do woodsmen have metal teeth? Wouldn't quarry workers or a blacksmith be more likely to have metal teeth then woodsmen?

I digress. Let's move on.

The woodsmen ready their axes (and their teeth). They poise for action. Nature will not defeat them today. They would not lose this battle-

_*CAW!*_

A giant flock of birds descends onto the army of woodsmen. The pull hair, peck heads, and worst of all, poop all over the enemy. In a singsong voice, Lire cried out. "IT'S SYMOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!"

The woodsmen flee, to go retrieve their anti-bird spray. Like anti-bird spray even exists. Nonetheless, they flee from the (symbolic) freedom fighters.

Ryan and Lire looks at each other, grinning madly, barely able to hold back their giggles.

Lire said to Ryan. "They'll be back!"

Ryan said to Lire. "And we'll be waiting." Ryan frowned slightly. "Though, the author should really stop making 'Moments of Silence' references everywhere."

Okay, I'll stop. Hey, why do you even know about "Moments of Silence?" That's breaking the fourth wall.

Ryan replied, "What's the fourth wall?"

… Never mind.

* * *

Oh my word, it's a **legion** of woodsmen this time.

They're ready this time. They've got axes. They've got teeth. They've got bear traps. A few even have chainsaws. Why do they have chainsaws? Those aren't even invented yet! This is the 1400's! Why do people have chainsaws?!

Oh, right, it's because I'm the author.

Ryan turned, and asked Lire, "Hey, what are those things?"

Lire replied, "I think they're called 'Chainsaws.' I saw Mari experimenting with them once."

"Ah."

The woodsmen are ready for battle… They're just waiting for the monsters of war (animals of the forest) to show themselves…

One word triggered the animal assault. "FSTEAK!"

A giant legion of bulls comes charging through the woods, mauling many woodsmen. (Well, at least scratching them.) The woodsmen all flee, screaming mainly "Mommy!" and "Uncle!"

Lire is curious about one thing however. "Ryan, what is Fsteak?"

"Fsteak is… Fsteak." Ryan replied, almost trancelike.

"That doesn't make sense."

"It's not supposed to. It's… a good battle cry."

"Well, that makes more sense than what you said earlier."

"It does?"

"Yes, it does."

Then Lire put her head on Ryan's shoulder, watching as the woodsmen below them are being chased away by the bull squad.

"It's so romantic, isn't it?"

Ryan replies with the honest truth. "Hardly."

* * *

The time for reaction is over. It's time to be proactive, and take out the Happy Woodcutters Club. Pesky Happy Woodcutters Club.

Well, the elves have their final action all prepped and ready to go: The goddess Gaia herself.

You may be thinking: how in the name of the gods did they get Gaia to agree to do such a trivial action? Well, it's quite simple really: Ryan just told her the same thing he told Lire. Obviously this (exaggerated) truth would convince the goddess of nature to come down and extract revenge for the trees.

The goddess cracks her knuckles, standing outside the front door of the Happy Woodcutters Club. Today they would pay for their actions. They. Would. Pay.

The goddess of nature kicked down the door. Light flooded in, as the goddess entered. She looked around her at the shocked faces staring at her. She thought they were staring at her… lovely face and were not looking somewhere perverse.

Or were they…?

"Well then, gentlemen (why are there no ladies?), shall we end this the good way, or the bad way…?"

The woodsmen talked amongst themselves before giving their answer. "Well, what happens if we take the bad way?"

"I'll feed you to my tree."

They all look at Gaia briefly before they all start laughing hysterically. How on earth could her tree eat them? It was then a giant Rhukka head comes smashing through a window.

You'd think trees could live off just sunlight (and rainbows), but apparently not.

The woodsmen are scared. Scared that a tree is going to eat them. Scared at how scary Gaia is. Scared at the random deer head on the wall.

Wait, a deer head on the wall… now THAT'S a reason to get revenge (for nature).

Gaia noticed the deer head. Gaia is angry about the deer head. She points at it. "How could you!" She's starting to cry. Uh oh. "How could you kill the poor deer?" She stands on the stage. "That poor defenseless animal was scared, and you killed it! How dare you!"

The woodsmen are starting to cry a bit now.

"And now," Gaia added, "I must… AVENGE THE DEER!" Many, many plants began to grow everywhere, releasing large amounts of narcotic pollen. The men all run out, prancing like deer, pretending to be butterflies, and saying something about demonic cherubs. They bumped into trees and tried to do cartwheels, failing because they busy trying to tie their shoes at the same time.

The two elves watched the scene unfold before their eyes. They tried very hard to stifle their laughter, but failed to do so as soon as the members of the Happy Woodcutters Club left their log cabin. The two of them could not believe the true power of Gaia, as many times as they had seen it before.

It was absolutely… phenomenal.

* * *

Today's lesson kids is to never cut down trees. If you cut down trees, then the forces of nature, Ryan and Lire, will come after you with bears. Be the good little children I know you are, and never, EVER, mess with elves.

Though, now you may wonder what became of the chainsaws.

You see, the chainsaws were collected and given to Mari Onette as a birthday present. Mari then used the chainsaws for study, and disassembled them to make machines to test on Sieghart. These machines included a device that lets you shock people into a submissive state, a device also known by its modern name, the Taser. Alas, poor Sieghart, but that is a story for another time.

What of the elves themselves, you say? Well, the two of them still guard the forest, when they're not busy with missions and adding to the already hectic chaos of the Grand Chase Manor. And thus, our story comes to an end.

For once I finally say the most overused line ever.

The End.


End file.
